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Sent : Wednesday, April 13, 2005 12:18 PM
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Subject : Fwd: [telecom_2005re-vamped] lahore airways
Attachment : LAHOREAIRWAYS.doc (0.02 MB)
Note: forwarded message attached.
LAHORE AIRWAYS
Good morning, ladies and gentlemen. This is your captain Aslam Bhatti welcoming you on board LAHORE AIRWAYS. We apologize for the one week delay in taking off because I was in jail for being caught with a fake pilot's licence.
This is flight 321 to Rawalpindi. Landing is not guaranteed, but we will end up somewhere and if luck is in our favour, we could be landing in Kabul.
LAHORE AIRWAYS has an excellent safety record. In fact our safety standards are so high that even the Kashmiri terrorist who we train, are afraid to fly with us. It is with pleasure I announce that last year, around 35% people reached their destination safely. For the ones who do not quite make it, we have trained staff in consoling your next of kin.
Our stewardess Samina will be happy to brief you on our out of court settlement policies. If our engines are too noisy, on your request can turn them off. To make your free fall to earth pleasant and memorable, we serve complimentary tea and biscuits.
For our passengers who believe in GOD, we are the only airline who can help you find out if here really is a GOD.
We regret to inform you that today's in-flight movie will not be shown as we could not pirate the copy from Indian TV channel. But for the movie buff, we will be flying right next to PIA where their movie will be visible from the right side of the cabin window.
There is no smoking in this aircraft. Any smoke you see in the cabin is only is only the early warning system from the engines telling us to slow down. Smoke may additionally be noticed due to our cabin crew members smoking Hashish.
Life jackets are positioned under your seats. Also positioned are free bathing costumes for emergency situation.
In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close as possible for the best view. If, however, we go a little too close do let us know. Our enthusiastic co-pilot Sher Mohd sometimes flies right through the landmarks.
Your baggage will be delivered safely to you upon arrival. However those of you who do not find their baggage, will be provided with the addresses of our friendly baggage handlers. You will be certain to find your baggage in their homes.
Kindly be seated, keep your seat in a relaxed position so that it lies in the lap of behind passenger so all can enjoy comfortable journey.
Kindly fasten seat belt. For those of you who cannot find a seat belt, kindly fasten your own belt
to the arm of your seat. And for those of you who cannot find the seats, do not hesitate to get in touch with a flight attendants who have brought some extra chairs from the nearby Government school.
Sorry but I will not be flying with you today because I have to proceed on drug smuggling mission along with my nephew. But please make yourself at home and help yourself to the cockpit.
Thanking for choosing LAHORE AIRWAYS.
HAVE A NICE JOURNEY.
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