FW: Legal bloopers....HILARIOUS!

From: Vikas
Date: Thu, Jul 30, 2009 at 6:01 AM
Subject: FW: Legal bloopers....HILARIOUS!
To:

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
____________ _________ _________ _________ _____

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS : Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________ _________ _________ _________ _____

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
____________ _________ _________ _________ _____

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________ _________ _________ ______

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
____________ _________ _________ _________ __

ATORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
____________ _________ _________ _________ __

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid.
____________ _________ _________ _________ _____
ATTORNEY: Are you se*ually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________ _________ _________ _________ _____

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
____________ _________ _________ _________ ____


ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
____________ _________ _________ ________

And the best for last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

FW: Sharaabi

From: Vikas
Date: Thu, Jul 30, 2009 at 6:50 AM
Subject: FW: Sharaabi
To:

Sharaabi mar raha tha…

Itneme bhagwaan prakat hue aur bole "koi antim ichha?"

Sharabi: bhagwan agli bar chahiye to niche ek goti kam dena par liver do dena!!!

FW: In-flight entertainment

From: Amit
Date: Wed, Nov 5, 2008 at 1:50 AM
Subject: FW: In-flight entertainment
To:

In-flight entertainment

If you’re sitting next to someone on a plane who irritates you, try doing this:

1. Quietly and calmly open up your laptop case.
2. Remove your laptop.
3. Start it up.
4. Make sure the fellow traveller who is annoying you can see the screen.
5. Close your eyes and tilt your head up to the sky and move your lips like you are praying.
6. Then click here.

Fw: [ISG:123561] Re: Is This True????

From: mahesh
Date: Sun, Nov 23, 2008 at 10:38 PM
Subject: Fw: [ISG:123561] Re: Is This True????
To:

IS THIS TRUE ???????????????????????

Who owns the media in India ?

• Recent Gujarat election have witnessed unaccountable money paid to media persons of both, print and electronic by Saudi Arabia to discredit Modi and the Hindutva forces, which Media did very faithfully without success.

• There are several major publishing groups in India , the most prominent among them being the Times of India Group, the Indian Express Group, the Hindustan Times Group, The Hindu group, the Anandabazar Patrika Group, the Eenadu Group, the Malayalam Manorama Group, the Mathrubhumi group, the Sahara group, the Bhaskar group, and the Dainik Jagran group.

Let us see the ownership of different media agencies.

• NDTV: A very popular TV news media is funded by Gospels of Charity in Spain Supports Communism. Recently it has developed a soft corner towards Pakistan because Pakistan President has allowed only this channel to be aired in Pakistan . Indian CEO Prannoy Roy is co-brother of Prakash Karat, General Secretary of the Communist party of India . His wife and Brinda Karat are sisters.

• India Today which used to be the only national weekly which supported BJP is now bought by NDTV!! Since then the tone has changed drastically and turned into Hindu bashing.

• CNN-IBN: This is 100 percent funded by Southern Baptist Church with its branches in all over the world with HQ in US. The Church annually allocates $800 million for promotion of its channel. Its Indian head is Rajdeep Sardesai and his wife Sagarika Ghosh.

• Times group list: Times Of India, Mid-Day, Nav-Bharth Times, Stardust, Femina, Vijay Times, Vijaya Karnataka, Times now (24- hour news channel) and many more...
• Times Group is owned by Bennet & Coleman. 'World Christian Council does 80 percent of the Funding, and an Englishman and an Italian equally share balance 20 percent. The Italian Robertio Mindo is a close relative of Sonia Gandhi.

• Star TV: It is run by an Australian, who is supported by St. Peters Pontifical Church Melbourne.

• Hindustan Times: Owned by Birla Group, but hands have changed since Shobana Bhartiya took over. Presently it is working in Collaboration with Times Group.

• The Hindu: English daily, started over 125 years has been recently taken over by Joshua Society, Berne , Switzerland . N. Ram's wife is a Swiss national.

• Indian Express: Divided into two groups. The Indian Express and new Indian Express (southern edition) ACTS Christian Ministries have major stake in the Indian Express and latter is still with the Indian counterpart.

• Eeenadu: Still to date controlled by an Indian named Ramoji Rao. Ramoji Rao is connected with film industry and owns a huge studio in Andhra Pradesh.

• Andhra Jyothi: The Muslim party of Hyderabad known as MIM along with a Congress Minister has purchased this Telugu daily very recently.

• The Statesman: It is controlled by Communist Party of India.

• Kairali TV: It is controlled by Communist party of India (Marxist)

• Mathrubhoomi: Leaders of Muslim League and Communist leaders have major investment.

• Asian Age and Deccan Chronicle: Is owned by a Saudi Arabian Company with its chief Editor M.J. Akbar.

• Gujarat riots which took place in 2002 where Hindus were burnt alive,

• Rajdeep Sardesai and Bharkha Dutt working for NDTV at that time got around 5 Million Dollars from Saudi Arabia to cover only Muslim victims, which they did very faithfully. Not a single Hindu family was interviewed or shown on TV whose near and dear ones had been burnt alive, it is reported.

• Tarun Tejpal of Tehelka.com regularly gets blank cheques from Arab countries to target BJP and Hindus only, it is said.

• The ownership explains the control of media in India by foreigners. The result is obvious.

• PONDER OVER THIS. NOW YOU KNOW WHY EVERY ONE IS AGAINST TRUTH, HOW VERY SAD.

• Please pass this on to as many as possible. Let them know who feeds them with biased news and information- yet call themselves secular.

Firefox Crop Circle on Wikimapia

From: jaa
Date: Sat, Jul 12, 2008 at 12:26 PM
Subject: Firefox Crop Circle on Wikimapia
To:

http://wikimapia.org/#lat=45.1232967&lon=-123.1138659&z=18&l=0&m=a&v=2

Discount Pharmaceuticals

From: jaa
Date: Mon, Jun 30, 2008 at 1:56 AM
Subject: Discount Pharmaceuticals
To:

check this pearls before swine

Some facts related to Rajanikanth

From: jaa
Date: Thu, Jun 12, 2008 at 1:54 PM
Subject: Some facts related to Rajanikanth‏
To:

1. He makes onions cry
2. Rajanikanth can delete the Recycle Bin.
3. Ghosts are actually caused by Rajanikanth killing people faster than Death can process them.
4. Rajanikanth can build a snowman..... out of rain.
5. Rajanikanth can strangle you with a cordless phone.
6. Rajanikanth can drown a fish.
7. When Rajanikanth enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on,......... ... he turns the dark off.
8. When Rajanikanth looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Rajanikanth and Rajanikanth.
9. Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Rajanikanth can throw Brett Favre even further.
10. The last digit of pi is Rajanikanth. He is the end of all things.
11. Rajanikanth does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.
12. Bullets dodge Rajanikanth.
13. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Rajanikanth and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
14. Rajanikanth' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Rajanikanth.
15. If you spell Rajanikanth wrong on Google it doesn't say, 'Did you mean Rajanikanth? ' It simply replies, 'Run while you still have the chance.'
16. Rajanikanth can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
17. Once a cobra bit Rajanikanth' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
18. When Rajanikanth gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
19. Rajanikanth can kill two stones with one bird.
20. Rajanikanth was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
21. Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Rajanikanth can kill 100 percent of whatever he wants.
22. There is no such thing as global warming. Rajanikanth was cold, so he turned the sun up.
23. Rajanikanth can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
24. Rajanikanth has a deep and abiding respect for human life unless it gets in his way.
25. It takes Rajanikanth 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
26. Rajanikanth once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, 'Bang!'
27. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Rajanikanth could use to kill you, including the room itself.
28. Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Rajanikanth.
29. Rajanikanth destroyed the periodic table, because Rajanikanth only recognizes the element of surprise.
30. Rajanikanth got his drivers license at the age of 16 Seconds.
31. With the rising cost of gasoline, Rajanikanth is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.
32. The square root of Rajanikanth is pain. Do not try to square Rajanikanth, the result is death.
33. When you say 'no one's perfect', Rajanikanth takes this as a personal insult

The End

Gateway peace March - Dec 3rd

From: jaa
Date: Thu, Dec 4, 2008 at 2:30 PM
Subject: Gateway peace March - Dec 3rd
To:

Not only did thousands of people turned up for the peace March at the Gateway of India yesterday but they were loud and clear of what they wanted ..... "A Change & Action not bashan "


This is what the people of Mumbai felt about our so called babus and netas( local terrorists ) .....

Fw: NICE PHOTOGRAPHY

From: hemang
Date: Thu, Jun 11, 2009 at 8:07 AM
Subject: Fw: NICE PHOTOGRAPHY
To:




When a photograph is not just a photograph...

more of such here

FW: See Mars This August 2009

From: anju
Date: Thu, Jun 18, 2009 at 4:33 PM
Subject: FW: See Mars This August 2009
To:

mark ypu calender