My Emails

Taking the email fwding to a different level...Fwded emails (from humor to tips to speeches to pictures ...) I thought to be worth sharing. NOTHING is my original work. If you've the copyrights of the content, let me know and I'd specify so in the post. AND if you do not want your content blogged, just comment so.
"fwd this to every alive and dead else": I've received so many chain emails that they're no longer frustrating. Now they amuse me. By posting them here, I don't encourage them!

From : amit
Reply-To :
Sent : Wednesday, June 22, 2005 9:14 AM
To :
Subject : [telecom_2005re-vamped] RajniKaanth in ACTION !!!!

| | | Inbox

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Attachment : Image.001301c538ff$a7535740$b0067aa3@2F1M4NGS.jpg (0.05 MB)

Re:

From : smita
Reply-To :
Sent : Friday, June 24, 2005 12:00 PM
To :
Subject : Re:

| | | Inbox

Sagaai hui... Shadi Hui... Biwi ghar main aayi... ghar SWARG ban gaya... aur main...
SWARGWASI...

***************************************

They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage it is self-defense

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its difficult 2 understand GOD. He makes such beautiful things as women...
and then he turns them into Wives !?!!!?!

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It takes thousand workers 2 build a castle Million soldiers 2 protect a country
BUT Just ONE woman 2 make a Happy HOME! Let's Thank .....

KAAMWALI

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After Finishing MBBS, Dr. Munna Starts his practice. He Chcked 1st patient's
eyes, tongue & ears by TORCh & finally said BOLE TO.......... TORCH THEEEEK HAI

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What is the difference between a woman and a magnet?
Magnets have a positive side!

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It's funny when people discuss LOVE MARRIAGE vs ARRANGED. It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered

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A person who surrenders when he's WRONG, is HONEST.
A person who SURRENDERS when not SURE, is WISE..
A person who surrenders even if he's RIGHT, is a HUSBAND!

***************************************
Mayawati came to Lallu's house with a goat.
Lallu: Bhaiswa ko kyon layi ho?
Maya: Dikhta nahin goatwa hai?
Lallu: Hum goatwa se hi to pooch raha hoon.

Fwd: Some Market Research on Hindi Movies HAM scenes (real funny)

From : Manoj
Sent : Sunday, June 19, 2005 5:41 AM
To :
Subject : Fwd: Some Market Research on Hindi Movies HAM scenes (real funny)

Inbox

Note: forwarded message attached.

Have you ever noticed... anybody going slower than you is an idiot. And anyone going faster is a maniac.

Bye from jaa.

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Dear all,
Indian Movies are full of Ham Scenes.. these scenes are well thought of and are meticulously planned and executed.. kudos to their creativity which continues to entertain all of us..

here are some excerpts from some movies... it makes u think

It can happen only in Indian Movies !!!

Baghban:
Amitabh Bachchan and Hema Malini are separated right after Holi. remember Amitabh singing Holi khele Raghubeera? They are said to be separated for six months, ie from March to September. Within that six-month period, they celebrate Valentine's Day, which falls on February 14, and karva chauth, which is usually observed in October. There is no way these two occasions could come between March and September!

Lagaan:
Lagaan was shot in the late 19th century. At the time, an over in cricket used to consist of 8 balls. But in this movie, an over has 6 balls. Maybe modern cricket learnt from the movie.

Amar Akbar Anthony:
Three men donate blood at the same time to the same person.

Awwal Number:
Dev Anand is an omnipotent genius-former cricketer,captain, army chief, commissioner, you name it. And Aamir Khan carries a huge transistor in his pocket while batting!

Khalnayak:
The police tracks the villain from an MS Word Document screen! something that office team will be interested in.

Pyar To Hona Hi Tha: Kajol gets off the train to use the public toilet at the railway station and the train chugs off without her. Poor girl, little did she know that every train compartment has four toilets inside.

Khiladiyon Ka Khiladi:
Akshay Kumar boards a Jet Airways flight to America. Well, well, some promotion for our Indian Jet Airways. Since when did they start flying international?

Raja Hindustani:
Navneet Nishan has short hair before marriage. After tying the knot, she acquires waist-length hair overnight. What a hair-raising experience!

Raja:
Dilip Tahil empties a can of petrol over Madhuri Dixit. Minutes later, Sanjay Kapoor takes the same can and pours it over Dilip Tahil. That's what I call an autofill!

Guddu:
Manisha Koirala and Shah Rukh Khan are seen hanging on a parachute during a song. But when the song ends, they land on a glider. What a switch above sea level!

Tere Mere Sapne:
Priya Gill is doing her BA. But at the bus stop, she is carrying an electrical technology thesis by B L Theraja. What an electrifying interest!

Fwd: [telecom_2005re-vamped] Fwd: How to make a woman happy ;)

From : durgesh
Reply-To :
Sent : Wednesday, June 15, 2005 7:18 AM
To :
CC :
Subject : Fwd: [telecom_2005re-vamped] Fwd: How to make a woman happy ;)

| | | Inbox

Note: forwarded message attached.

>
>
>
>
> How to make a woman happy........
>
> It's really not difficult...
>
> To make a woman happy; a man only needs to be :
>
> 1. a friend
>
> 2. a companion
>
> 3. a lover
>
> 4. a brother
>
> 5. a father
>
> 6. a master
>
> 7. a chef
>
> 8. an electrician
>
> 9. a carpenter
>
> 10. a plumber
>
> 11. a mechanic
>
> 12. a decorator
>
> 13. a stylist
>
> 17. a psychologist
>
> 18. a pest exterminator
>
> 19. a psychiatrist
>
> 20. a healer
>
> 20. a good listener
>
> 22. an organizer
>
> 23. a good father
>
> 24. very clean
>
> 25. sympathetic
>
> 26. athletic
>
> 26. warm
>
> 27. attentive
>
> 28. gallant
>
> 29. intelligent
>
> 30. funny
>
> 31. creative
>
> 32. tender
>
> 33. strong
>
> 34. understanding
>
> 35. tolerant
>
> 36. prudent
>
> 37. ambitious
>
> 38. capable
>
> 39. courageous
>
> 40. determined
>
> 41. true
>
> 42. dependable
>
> 43. passionate
>
> WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
>
> 44. give her compliments regularly
>
> 45. love shopping
>
> 46. be honest
>
> 47. be very rich
>
> 48. not stress her out
>
> 49. not look at other girls
>
> AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
>
> 50. give her lots of attention, but expect little
> yourself
>
> 51. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
>
> 52. give her lots of space, never worrying about where
> she goes
>
> IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:
>
> 53. Never to forget:
>
> * birthdays
>
> * anniversaries
>
> * arrangements she makes
> -------------------------------------------------------
>
> HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY :
>
> 1 . Leave him in peace
>
>

Fwd: If technology was entirely in hands of women!!!

From : Manoj
Sent : Saturday, June 11, 2005 6:06 AM
To :
Subject : Fwd: [siescomsmca2007] Fwd: If technology was entirely in hands of women!!!

Inbox --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Note: forwarded message attached.

Fwd: [siescomsmca2007] Fwd: If technology was entirely in hands of women!!!

From : Manoj
Sent : Saturday, June 11, 2005 6:06 AM
To :
Subject : Fwd: [siescomsmca2007] Fwd: If technology was entirely in hands of women!!!

Inbox

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Note: forwarded message attached.

Fwd: [siescomsmca2007] Fwd: If technology was entirely in hands of women!!!

From : Manoj
Sent : Saturday, June 11, 2005 6:06 AM
To :
Subject : Fwd: [siescomsmca2007] Fwd: If technology was entirely in hands of women!!!

Inbox

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Note: forwarded message attached.

Fwd: [siescomsmca2007] Fwd: If technology was entirely in hands of women!!!

From : Manoj
Sent : Saturday, June 11, 2005 6:06 AM
To :
Subject : Fwd: [siescomsmca2007] Fwd: If technology was entirely in hands of women!!!

Inbox

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Note: forwarded message attached.

Fwd: If technology was entirely in hands of women!!!
From : Manoj
Sent : Saturday, June 11, 2005 6:06 AM
To :
Subject : Fwd: [siescomsmca2007] Fwd: If technology was entirely in hands of women!!!

Inbox --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Note: forwarded message attached.

Fwd: If technology was entirely in hands of women!!!

Have you ever noticed... anybody going slower than you is an idiot. And anyone going faster is a maniac.

Bye from jaa.

A perfect wife.

From : smita
Reply-To :
Sent : Tuesday, June 7, 2005 11:26 AM
To :
Subject : A perfect wife.

Inbox

The Young Brahmin asked, "Is it true, that your daughter has all the good qualities and pleasing looks? "

The old brahmin answered, "Haan! More that that, she is Sundara Vati and Padma Vati!"

"But, can she cook and keep house?" asked the young man.

"Oh yes, she is Dharma Vati!" answered the old man.

"Now, can she sew?" asked the young man.

"Oh yes . . . . yes, she can not only sew, but she is Kala Vati!" answered the old man.

"What about her education?" asked the young man.

"She is Vidya Vati!" answered the old man.

"And the Vedas?" asked the young man.

"Oh yes . . . . yes, she is Veda Vati!" answered the old man.

The young man is very happy to find the perfect bride and gets married to her. Two days later, he comes back with his newly married bride in town. The old Brahmin is surprised. He asks, "What happened, my son? Why do you look so upset?"

The young man says, "Well sir, you told me that your daughter is a Sundara Vati,
Padma Vati, Dharma Vati, Kala Vati, Vidya Vati and a Vedavati?"

"Yes, my son - I certainly did" replies the old man.

"But Sir - you forgot to tell me that, she is also already a 'Garbha Vati'!!!"

one liners

From : Manoj
Sent : Monday, May 23, 2005 3:11 PM
To : jjshah84@hotmail.com
Subject : one liners

Inbox

check these one liners out...

I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac.

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.

I won't rise to the occasion, but I'll slide over to it.

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.

Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.

Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

Okay, who put a "stop payment" on my reality check?

Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.

We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?

Have you ever noticed... anybody going slower than you is an idiot. And anyone going faster is a maniac.

I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain. No pain.

All generalizations are false, including this one.

"Criminal Lawyer" is a redundancy.

I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got!

We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.

Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.

What is a "free" gift ? Aren't all gifts free?

Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.

We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals. I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.

A day without sunshine is like, well, night.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.

Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

He's not dead, he's electroencephalographically challenged.

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.

I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.

Honk if you love peace and quiet.

Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?

Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool.

It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.

Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.

You can't have everything, where would you put it?

Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population.

The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats.

Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.

I wished the buck stopped here, as I could use a few.

I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

1. How Do You Catch A Unique bird?
Unique Up On It.

2. How Do You Catch A Tame bird?
Tame Way, Unique Up On It .

3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest?
They Take The Psycho Path

4. How Do You Get Holy Water?
You Boil The Hell Out Of It.

5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit A Concrete Wall?
Dam!

6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long?
Polaroids

7. What Do You Call A Boomerang That Doesn't work?
A Stick.

8. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?
Nacho Cheese.

9. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.

10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters in Quicksand?
Quatro Sinko.

11. What Do You Get From A Pampered Cow?
Spoiled Milk.

12. What Do You Get When You Cross A Snowman With A Vampire?
Frostbite.

13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?
A Nervous Wreck.

14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?
Anyone Can Roast Beef.

15. Where Do You Find A Dog With No Legs?
Right Where You Left Him.

16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?
Because They Have Big Fingers.

17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?
Because It Scares The Dog.

18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?
Sanka.

19. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down?
Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat.

20. What's The Difference Between A Bad Golfer And A Bad Skydiver?
Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang! A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack.

21. How Are A Texas Tornado And A Tennessee Divorce The Same?
Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan.

What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The position of the dirt bag.

What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts.

Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.

What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.

Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.

What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"

Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.

Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
Everyone has the same DNA.

Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
He walks around saying "Yo."

Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.

Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
They named him "Sum Ting Wong"

What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.

What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
They're hiring.

What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe".

How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..."

Why is there no Disneyland in China?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides

Jesus loves you ... everyone else thinks you're an asshole.

Impotence: Nature's way of saying No hard feelings

The proctologist called, they found your head.

Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.

Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.

Hang up and drive.

If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!

Heart Attacks... God's Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends.

Try not to let your mind wander. It is too small to be out by itself.

Don't like my driving? Then quit watching me.

Guys, just because you have one, doesn't mean you have to be one.

AND THE BEST ONE:
Welcome to America...Now speak English.

If you are psychic - think "HONK"

If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!

You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you!

Don't get me mad! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies!

You are depriving some poor village of its idiot!

Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal.

My Hockey Mom Can Beat Up Your Soccer Mom

Grow your own dope, plant a man.

All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets

Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.

So you're a feminist...Isn't that cute.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

All men are idiots....I married their king.

IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.

Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.

Out of my mind...Back in five minutes.

I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

Where there's a will...I want to be on it.

It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.

Don't drink and drive...You might hit a bump and spill it.

Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

Be nice to your kids...They will pick out your nursing home.

Always remember you're unique...Just like everyone else.

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

Eschew obfuscation.

Circular Definition: see Definition, Circular.

Santa's elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.

Air Pollution is a mist-demeaner.

Editing is a rewording activity.

Make yourself at home .....clean my kitchen

Allow me to introduce my selves

Better living through denial

I'm just working here until a good fast food job opens up....

Chaos. Panic. Disorder. My work here is done

Too many freaks not enough circuses

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.

bye from jaa.

Is it possible to control your GERD symptoms without taking drugs?

From:
To:
Date:
Subject: Is it possible to control your GERD symptoms without taking drugs?

Is it possible to control your GERD symptoms without taking drugs?

This article gives you some tips.

Well-Connected

Dietary Changes:
People with heartburn should first try lifestyle and dietary changes. In one study, 44% of patients who experienced symptoms of GERD reported improvement after changing their diet. People with heartburn should avoid or reduce consumption of foods and beverages that contain caffeine, chocolate, peppermint, spearmint, alcohol, and fat. Both caffeinated and decaffeinated coffee increase acid secretion. All carbonated drinks increase the risk for GERD.

Prevention of Nighttime GERD:
Lying flat can produce intense acid reflux. After meals, chronic heartburn sufferers should take a walk or, at the very least, remain upright. Bedtime snacks should be avoided. To help keep acid in the stomach at night, a patient may need to raise the bed at an angle using four- to six-inch blocks at the head of the bed or a wedge-support that elevates the top half of the body so that the patient's body is tilted up. Extra pillows that only raise the head actually increase the risk for reflux.

Chewing Gum:
Because saliva helps neutralize acid and contains a number of other factors that protect the esophagus, chewing gum 30 minutes after a meal has been found to help relieve heartburn and even protect against damage caused by GERD. In fact, chewing on anything at all can help, since it stimulates production of saliva.

Avoiding NSAIDs:
Many physicians advise GERD patients to avoid nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drugs (NSAIDs), such as aspirin, ibuprofen (Motrin, Advil,) or naproxen (Aleve), among others. Tylenol (acetaminophen) is a good alternative.

Other Lifestyle Changes:
Quitting smoking is, of course, essential. People who are overweight should try to reduce. People with GERD should avoid tight clothing, particularly around the abdomen.