My Emails: February 2006

From : Manoj
Sent : Wednesday, February 22, 2006 4:32 PM
To :
Subject : PJ's

1. what is the plural of sharukh khan

its ICICI
y??
cos sharukh says main hoon na and ICICI says HUM HAIN NAA

2. 3 + 3 =8
Bataao Kaise?
Bataao Bataao!
Nahi Pata?!
Are
Galati se!!!!!!!!!!!

3.Teacher: 'A' for?
Student: Apple !!!
Teacher: Jor se bolo
Student: JAI MATA DI

4.A sardarji went to a STD/ISD/PCO SHOP and slapped the operator twice.Guess why??

because there it was written "Number dial karne se pehele do lagae"

5.In a pond there are 10 fish, one of them dies, and
the water level of the pond increases. How?
think
Yes you can................
No??? Cmon..
The other 9 fish are crying.................

6.Gattu ek lecture attend karta hai.
lecture ke baad use bhookh lagti hai.
so he goes to the canteen.
canteen mein gattu ek pav leta hai. jaise hi woh pav khane ke
liye uthata hai to dekhta hai ki uski plate mein
"jannat" likha hai.
To janaab ab aapko yeh batana hai ki gattu jiska lecture attend
karke
aa raha hai! , us professor ka naam kya hai???

The answer is :Ishq Ki Chhaon.

Kyon ke

Jinke "Sir" ho "Ishq ki Chhaon"
"Pav" ke neeche "Jannat" hogi....

7.Whatz a PJ ?
oviously "a poor joke"
Whatz a (P + i J)?
- A "complex poor joke"
Why don't people laugh on a "complex poor joke" ?

- Bcoz the joke part of it is
imaginary.

8.A railway station beggar meets another beggar.
A software engineer meets another software engineer.
Both of them ask the same question to each other.
What is the question?
"So, which platform are you working on?"

9.Question: Two hairs on a bald man's head fall in
love with each other and want to get married, but cannot.
Why?

Ans: Because under Indian laws, "baal vivaah" (chile marriage) is illegal.

10. 1) Smoking
2) Drinking
3) Charas
4) Ganja
5) Chicken
6) Mutton
7) Oily food
8) Masala
9) Sleep & obesity
10) Pollution
= Heart Attack
Matlab

DUS bahane karke le gaye DIL !!

11.What's the opposite of "Dominoes"???
think
think
think
think
think
tired of thinking???

Domi doesn't know

12.Whats the opposite of Gopalakrishnan?

Come-pal-akrisnan

13.A man is riding on his bike through a very dense forest in the evening. After about an hour he sees a peacock appear all of a sudden in the way - and the peacock is smiling at him.
The man feels its kinda weird and carries on traveling. Another hour passes and he sees the same peacock again in the middle of the road smiling at him.
The man is a little scared now, but says to himself that he is just tired and is just imagining things and carries on with his ride.
Yet another hour passes and he finds the peacock again appearing out of nowhere smiling at him.........
Why is this happening?????

Because the man is riding TVS Victor and so "More smiles per hour".
NOTE: (for the duffers - a 'More' is a peacock in Hindi)

14.A women goes in an Auto (rickshaw) and gets bald??? How???
Automatically ( Auto-Mein-Takli).....

15.A man came out of a bank and takes an auto back home. The autogyu takes Rs.15 in place of Rs.10. The man pays and goes to sleep. When he wakes up in the morning, he couldnt see anything. But could see again when night fel. Why????

kyon ki autowale ne usko ullu banadiya.

16.What will u call a person who is leaving India??

HindustanLever (Leaver).

17.Who is Joe

Of course "Kambakth ishq hai Joe"

18. One day James Bond goes to buy a pan. The pan walla asks him 4 Rs. for the pan but James Bond gives him only 1.5 rs.
When paan waala asks him for the rest of the money ...
Bond replies ....?????

Dhai (2.5) another day...

19. Gulshan Grover is riding a bike at the velocity of light.
On the way he offers a lift to a stranger.
Stranger: ‘Sir, can I know your name please’
Gulshan : ‘I am Gulshan Grocer’
Stranger : Grocer? Sure you dont mean Gulshan Grover??
Gulshan: No it is Grocer.
Now tell me why did Gulshan say so…

Because at the speed of light V=C

20. whats difference between a man jumping from 1st floor and a man jumping
from 10th floor? . . . . . . . . . . . .

former goes (hit) aaaaaaaaa
latter goes aaaaaaaaa (hit)

21. A tamilian and a sardarji sittin together in a train. Tamilian is bored and wants to talk, he asks sardar “tamil terima?”
Sardar is offended and hits back “punjab tera baap”

22. Why dogs don't marry?
A: Because they are already leading a dog's life!

23. Teacher: Four beautiful girls are walking on the road. Change it to exclamatory sentence.

Student: WOW !

24. Soldier: Sir, we are surrounded!
Major: Excellent! We can attack in any direction now!

25. Q: Y does Waheeda Rehman never changes her saree in the movie GUIDE?
A: B'coz Dev Anand says: 'O mere humrahi, meri baanh thame chalna, badle duniya SARI, tum na badalna'

26. "Hello! Where are you coming from?"
"Oh, don't ask me! I'm coming from the cemetery. I just burried my mother-in-law"
"I'm so sorry! But why is your face schratched all over?"
"It wasn't so easy!" said Sid, "She put on a hell of a fight!"

27. Char nikamme sardar dost sochte hain...kuch kaam karen..taxi ka dhanda shuru karte hain..woh dhanda bilkul nahi chalta...kyon?

Chaaron ek hi taxi mein baithte hain
Ek din..taxi kharaab hojaati hai..toh sab dhakka lagate hain..phir bhi shuru nahi hoti..kyon?

Do aage se aur do peechhe se dhakka lagate hain
Phir kisi tarah use garage mein pohonchate hain...ek sardar ko idea aata hai..kyon na hum garage khole! Chaaron khush! Par naseeb...yeh bhi nahi chalta...kyon??

Garage first floor par kholte hain

28. 28. Kabhi kabhi mere dil mein khayaal aata hai..

.kabhi kabhi nahin bhi aata hai....!!!

29.Q: How do you sink a submarine full of sardars?
A: Knock on the door.

30.A nurse in hospital asks the patient with broken-down head:
Name?Sameer Bhatia.
Date of birth?
06 September 1965.
Married?
No. Car accident.

31.Doctor: your husband needs rest and peace. Here are some sleeping pills.
Wife: When must I give them to him?
Doctor: They are for you.

32.Q: Why did the tomato turned red?
A: Because he saw the salad dressing.

33."Now my grandfather was great, he knew the exact day of the year that he was going to die. It was the right year too. Not only that, but he knew what time he would die that day, and he was right about that too."
"Wow, that's Incredible. How did he know all of that?"

"A judge told him."
34.Several women appeared in court, each accusing the other of the trouble in the flat where they lived.
The judge called for orderly testimony. "I'll hear the oldest first," he decreed. The case was closed for lack of evidence.

35. "I can't find a cause for your illness," the doctor said. "Frankly, I think it's due to drinking."

"In that case," replied his blonde patient, "I'll come back when you are sober."

36. Q: What did the gangster's son tell his dad when he failed his examination?

A: Dad they questioned me for 3 hours but I never told them anything."

37.A young and stupid pilot wanted to sound cool on the aviation frequencies. So, when he was approaching a field during the night time. Instead of making any official requests to the tower, he said: "Guess who?"
The controller switched the field lights off and replied: "Guess where!"

38. Kalidas ka ek bhai joote banata tha us ka naam kya tha?
adidas
39.Luv and Kush are going to a village & in between comes a well. Luv fells
into the well. Why ?
Because Luv is blind!!!!!
Now Kush also jumps inside. Why?
Luv ke liye saala kuch bhi karega!!!!

40.Jackie Chan ki saas ka naam kya hai?..
answer) D'Cold
chain ki saans - D'cold
chalo ab batao... Jackie Chan ki bahu ka naam kya hai ?
answer) D'Cold again
kyunki saans bhi kabhi bahu thi

41. Jugal Hansraj and Mayuri Kango bus stop par khade the.
Bus aayi - Mayuri gayi, magar Jugal nahin gaya - kyon?
Because Mayuri 'can - go'.
42.Amitabh aur Pran dono bus estop pe khade the...
bus aai aur Pran chad jata hai per Amitabh nahin jata Qyo???

b/s pran jaye per bacchan na jaye
43. Dravid ask's Kumble to bring a pepsi... Kumble brings a bottle of pepsi but
goes directly to Tendulkar.
Tendulkar is an opener
44. The Madrasi said, I want to see the movie 'heart is umbrella'.
Which movie did he really
want to see?

Dil Chhata Hai!
45.Woh kya hai jo Dil main hain, Mann main hai par Dhadkan main nahi?
aarey Aamir Khan !!!!!!!
46. Kalidas ka ek bhai joote banata tha us ka naam kya tha?
Answer) adidas
47.Speech by Thomas Friedman of The New York Times....
"When we were young kids growing up in America, we
were told to eat our vegetables at dinner and not to
leave them. Mothers said, 'think of the starving
children in India and finish the dinner.'
And now I tell my children: 'Finish your maths
homework. Think of the children in India who would
make you starve, if you don't.' "
48.TEACHER : Why are you late?
CHOTU : Because of the sign.
TEACHER : What sign?
CHOTU : The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
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TEACHER : Chotu, why are you doing your math sums on the floor?
CHOTU : You told me to do it without using tables!
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TEACHER : Chotu, how do you spell "crocodile"?
CHOTU : "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER : No, that's wrong
CHOTU : Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
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TEACHER : What is the chemical formula for water?
CHOTU : "HIJKLMNO! "!!
TEACHER : What are you talking about?
CHOTU : Yesterday you said it's H to O!
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TEACHER : Chotu, go to the map and find North America.
CHOTU : Here it is!
TEACHER : Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS : Chotu!
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TEACHER : Chotu, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
CHOTU : Me!
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TEACHER : Chotu, why do you always get so dirty?
CHOTU : Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
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CHOTU : Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER : I think so. What do you want me to write?
CHOTU : Your name on this report card.
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TEACHER : How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
CHOTU : Don't bite any.
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TEACHER : Chotu, give me a sentence starting with "I".
CHOTU : I is...
TEACHER : No, Chotu. Always say, "I am."
CHOTU : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : "Can anybody give an example of "COINCIDENCE?"
CHOTU : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time."
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TEACHER : "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree,
but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish
him?"
CHOTU : "Because George still had the axe in his hand?"
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CHOTU : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
FATHER : No. Why do you ask that?
CHOTU : Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?
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TEACHER : Wh! at a pair of strange socks you arewearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots!
CHOTU : Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair just like that
at home.
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TEACHER : Now, children, if I saw a man beating adonkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?
CHOTU : Brotherly love?
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TEACHER : Now, Chotu, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
CHOTU : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
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TEACHER : Chotu, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Di! d you copy his?
CHOTU : No, teacher, it's the same dog!
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TEACHER : What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
CHOTU : A teacher

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