some actual label instructions on consumer goods

From : Manoj
Sent : Thursday, December 29, 2005 5:51 PM
To :
Subject : some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

| | | Inbox


In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.




On a Sears hairdryer

Do not use while sleeping.
(That's the only time I have to work on my hair.)





On a bag of Fritos
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(the shoplifter special?)



On a bar of Dial soap
"Directions: Use like regular soap."
(and that would be???....)




On some Swanson frozen dinners
"Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(but, it's just a suggestion.)





On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom)
"Do not turn upside down."
(well...duh, a bit late, huh!)





On Marks &Spencer Bread Pudding
"Product will be hot after heating."
(and you thought?)





On packaging for a Rowenta iron
"Do not iron clothes on body."
(but wouldn't this save me time?)





On Boot's Children Cough Medicine
"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5 year-olds with head-colds off those bulldozers.)





On Nytol Sleep Aid
"Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(I'm taking this because?)





On most brands of Christmas lights
"For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as opposed to what?)





On a Japanese food processor
"Not to be used for the other use."
(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)






On Sainsbury's peanuts
"Warning: contains nuts."
(talk about a news flash)





On an American Airlines packet of nuts
"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: say what?)





On a child's Superman costume
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)





On a Swedish chainsaw
"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(Oh my God..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

Fwd: [telecom_2005re-vamped] A Story that touches your heart !

From : durgesh
Sent : Friday, December 16, 2005 12:25 PM
To :
Subject : Fwd: [telecom_2005re-vamped] A Story that touches your heart !

A Story that touches your heart !

A man came home from work late, tired and irritated, to find his 5-year-old son waiting for him at the door...

Son: "Daddy, may I ask you a question"

Daddy: "Yeah sure, what it is?"

Son: "Dad, how much do you make an hour"

Daddy: "That's none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?"

Son: "I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?"

Daddy: "I make Rs. 500 an hour"

"Oh", the little boy replied, with his head down.

Looking up, he said, "Dad, may I please borrow Rs. 300?"

The father was furious,
"if the only reason you asked that is so you can borrow some money to buy a silly toy or other nonsense, then march yourself to your room and go to bed. Think why you are being so selfish. I work hard everyday for such this childish behavior"

The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door.

The man sat down and started to get even angrier about the little boy's questions.

How dare he ask such questions only to get some money?

After about an hour or so, the man had calmed down, and started to think:

"May be there was something he really needed to buy with that Rs. 300 and he really didn't ask for money very often!"

The man went to the door of little boy's room and opened the door. "Are you asleep, son?" He asked.

"No daddy, I'm awake," replied the boy.

"I've been thinking, may be I was too hard on you earlier", said the man, "It's been a long day and I took out my aggravation on you. Here's the Rs.300 you asked for"

The little boy sat straight up, smiling "oh thank you dad!" He yelled.

Then, reaching under his pillow he pulled some crippled up notes. The man, seeing that the boy already had money, started to get angry again.

The little boy slowly counted out his money, then looked up at his father.

"Why do you want money if you already had some?" the father grumbled.

"Because I didn't have enough, but now I do," the little boy replied. "Daddy I have Rs. 500 now. Can I buy an hour of your time? Please come home early tomorrow. I would like to have dinner with you"

MORAL
It's just a short reminder to all of you working so hard in life. We should not let time slip through our fingers without having spent some time with those who really matter to us, those close to our hearts.

If we die tomorrow, the company that we are working for could easily replace us in a matter of days.

But the family & friends we leave behind will feel the loss for the rest of their lives. And come to think of it, we pour ourselves more into work than to our family....

Fwd: [telecom_2005re-vamped] Fwd: [IES_99] nice one!!

From : durgesh
Sent : Friday, December 16, 2005 12:17 PM
To :
Subject : Fwd: [telecom_2005re-vamped] Fwd: [IES_99] nice one!!


Banta was bragging to his boss one day, " You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."

Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Banta how about Tom Cruise?"

"Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it."

So Banta and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise, shouts, "Banta! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!"

Although impressed, Banta's boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Banta that he thinks Banta knowing Cruise was just lucky.

"No, no, just name anyone else," Banta says. "President Bush," his boss quickly retorts. "Yes," Banta says, "I! Know him, let's fly out to Washington."

At the White House, Bush spots Banta on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Banta, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and have a cup of coffee first."

Well, the boss is very shaken by now, but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House, he expresses his doubts to Banta, who again implores him to name anyone else.

"The Pope," his boss replies.

"Sure!" says Banta. "My folks are from Poland, and I have known the Pope a long time."

So they fly to Rome. Banta and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Banta says, "This will never work. I cannot catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I will come out on the balcony with the Pope."

And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican. Sure enough, half an hour later Banta emerges with the Pope on the balcony. But by the time Banta returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics. Working his way to his boss's side, Banta asks him, "What happened?"?

His boss looks up and says," I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the man next to me said,


...................................


......................


................

Who is that on the balcony with Banta?"

Fwd: [TIL] Fwd: Do U Have Any Answer....................(Try n Think)

From : durgesh
Sent : Monday, December 19, 2005 8:55 AM
To :
Subject : Fwd: [TIL] Fwd: Do U Have Any Answer....................(Try n Think)

Hi GUYS

Do u hv any answers to these questions, thoda socho yaar

1. Can you cry under water?

2. How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

3. If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?

4. Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?

5. Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. . but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

6. Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

7. Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

8. What disease did cured ham actually have?

9. How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

10. Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

11. If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

12. If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?

13. Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

14. Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

15. How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America???

16. Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

17. If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?

18. Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?

19. Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?

20. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out!"

21. Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

22. Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer? (i've always wondered.. ;)

23. When your photo is taken for your driver's license, why do they tell you to smile? If you are stopped by the police and asked for your license, are you going to be smiling?

24. If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

25. Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

26. If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

27. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

28. Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

29. What do you call male ballerinas?

30. Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream?

31. If Wyle E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

32. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

33. If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

34. Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?

35. Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

36. Why did you just try singing the two songs above? (lmno...)

37. Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

38. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride; he sticks his head out the window?

Fwd: Super Duuper Tadap....

From : Manoj
Sent : Tuesday, August 2, 2005 8:30 AM
To : jignesh
Subject : Fwd: Super Duuper Tadap....

Note: forwarded message attached.

Don't miss this one …

Journalists at Don Ajit's house taking his interview.. they enquired him abt his "success ka raaz" ..

he calls robert.. " Robert bring me a Baaz (a bird : just incase u guys dont know!!)" .. robert immediately brings the baaz..

Ajit asks Mona to give the baaz a bath .. Mona carries out his order..he asks mona to put the baaz on his hand.. he takes out his gun and shoots the baaz.. and says" yeh hai meri success ka raaz"...

all the journalists are lost.. how come this is your success ka raaz...


















In comes the reply " Main Dhoke-Baaz ko maar deta hoon .. "

: Advertising works !

From : amit
Reply-To : amit
Sent : Thursday, August 25, 2005 5:10 AM
To :
CC :
Subject : : Advertising works !


Go to previous message | Go to next message | Delete | Inbox
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check meaning of ur name

From : smita
Sent : Wednesday, September 28, 2005 2:08 PM
To :
Subject : check meaning of ur name


Hi, CHECK MEANING OF UR NAME. ITS GREAT AND REAL ITS AMAZING

Instructions: What you do is find out what each letter of your name
means. Then connect all the meanings and it describes YOU. (Its
TRUE!!) (Isn't it GREAT!!)

PS: If you have double or triple letters, just count the meaning once.

For Example: SUJATA

S - You are very broad-minded.
U - You feel like you have to equal up to people's standards.
J - Jealously
A - You can be very quiet when you have something on your mind.
T - You have an attitude, a big one.
A - You can be very quiet when you have something on your mind.

===============================================================================
A You can be very quiet when you have something on your mind.
B You are always cautious when it comes to meeting new people.
C You definitely have a partier side in you, don't be shy to show it.

D You have trouble trusting people.
E You are a very exciting person.
F Everyone loves you.
G You have excellent ways of viewing people.
H You are not judgmental.
I You are always smiling and making others smile.
J Jealously
K You like to try new things.
L Love is something you deeply believe in.
M Success comes easily to you.
N You like to work, but you always want a break.
O You are very open-minded.
P You are very friendly and understanding.
Q You are a hypocrite.
R You are a social butterfly.
S You are very broad-minded.
T You have an attitude, a big one.
U You feel like you have to equal up to people's standards.
V You have a very good physique and looks.
W You like your privacy.
X You never let people tell you what to do.
Y You cause a lot of trouble.
Z You're always fighting with someone

Emailing: 78b

From : Dinesh
Sent : Wednesday, December 14, 2005 4:29 PM
To :
Subject : Emailing: 78b

<<78b.url>>
The message is ready to be sent with the following file or link attachments:

Shortcut to: http://www.sciencemag.org/cgi/content/full/309/5731/78b

FW: Think

From : Dinesh
Sent : Tuesday, October 25, 2005 12:31 PM
To :
Subject : FW: Think

Imagine this..

You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night, it's raining heavily, when suddenly you pass by a bus stop, and you see three people waiting for a bus:

1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.

2. An old friend who once saved your life.

3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.


Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing very well that there could only be one passenger in your car?

Think before you continue reading...



....



....



.....


This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application.


* You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first;

* or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back.

* However, you may never be able to find your perfect mate again.

the candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up with his answer.

Guess what was his answer?


....


....


....


....



He simply answered:


"I would give the car keys to my Old friend and let him take the lady to the hospital. I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the partner of my dreams."

passport details hacking

From : durgesh
Reply-To : durgesh
Sent : Friday, October 7, 2005 2:25 PM
To :
Subject : passport details hacking

Hi,
I just cant believe this website.

They hold the passport details of people in the world. Just give the first name, Last name and the country you are living. It givs your Passport Details.

How is this possible? Where is the security for the Government Database of each country? Anybody can answer...

CHECK IT OUT WITH YOUR PASSPORT DETAILS

http://www.scrolllock.nl/passport

Fwd: [TIL] Ur Signature Tells About U

From : durgesh
Reply-To : durgesh
Sent : Thursday, October 6, 2005 4:18 AM
To :
Subject : Fwd: [TIL] Ur Signature Tells About U

| | | Inbox



The various types of Signatures you come across and the attitude of a person are listed below:


Single underline below the sign!

These persons are very confident and are good personalities. They are alittle bit selfish but believe in "Happiness of human life"


Two dots below the sign!

These persons are considered to be Romantic, can easily change their fiancées as if they change their clothes. They prefer beauty in other persons and they themselves try to look beautiful. They easily attract others.


Single dot below the sign!

These persons are more inclined towards classical arts, simple and are verycool. If you loose faith with them, then these persons will never look back at you. Hence its always better to be careful with these people.


No underlines or dots below the sign!

These persons enjoy their life in their own way, never pay attention toothers views. These are considered to be good natured but are selfish too.


Random sign, no similarity between name and sign!

These persons try to be very smart, hide each and every matter, never sayanything in straight forward manner, never pay attention to the otherperson of what he is talking of.


Random sign, similarity between name and sign!

These persons are considered to be intelligent but never think. Thesepeople change their ideas and views as fast as the wind changes its direction of flow. They never think whether that particular thing is right or wrong. You can win them just by flattering them.


Sign in printed letters!

These persons are very kind to us, have a good heart, selfless, are ready to sacrifice their life for the sake of their near and dear. But these seem to think a lot and may get angry very soon.


Writing complete name as their sign!

These persons are very kind hearted, can adjust themselves to any environment and to the person they are talking.These persons are very firm on their views and posses a lot of will power.

Fwd: Friendship

From : kavita
Sent : Saturday, October 8, 2005 8:19 PM
To :
Subject : Fwd: Friendship

Read Each One Carefully and Think About It a Second or Two

1. I love you not because of whom you are, but because of who I am when I am with you.

2. No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry

3. Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

4. A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.

5. The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them.

6. Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.

7. To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.

8. Don't waste your time on a man/woman, who isn't willing to waste their time on you.

9. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful.

10. Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened.

11. There's always going to be people that hurt you so what you have to do is keep on trusting and just be more careful about who you trust next time around.

12. Make yourself a better person and know who you are before you try and know someone else and expect them to know you.

13. Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to.

REMEMBER: WHATEVER HAPPENS HAPPENS FOR A REASON.

True friends: How many people actually have 8 true friends?.

Hardly anyone I know! But some of us have all right friends and good
friends!!!

You have been tagged by the Green Dog!

,-._,-.
\/)"(\/
(_o_)

Ruff!!!!!!

Fwd: [telecom_2005re-vamped] Fwd: Innocence at its best

From : durgesh
Sent : Monday, October 10, 2005 3:48 AM
To :
Subject : Fwd: [telecom_2005re-vamped] Fwd: Innocence at its best

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Fwd: FW: [menej] Fwd:

From : kavita
Sent : Sunday, October 23, 2005 4:10 AM
To :
Subject : Fwd: FW: [menej] Fwd:

| | | Inbox


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Attachment : message5.txt (0.02 MB)



Why Women Cry

A little boy asked his mother, "Why are you crying?" "Because I'm a woman," she told him.

"I don't understand," he said. His Mom just hugged him and said, "And you never will."

Later the little boy asked his father, "Why does mother seem to cry for no reason?"

"All women cry for no reason," was all his dad could say.

The little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry.

Finally he put in a call to God. When God got on the phone, he asked, "God, why do women cry so easily?"

God said:

"When I made the woman she had to be special.

I made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world, yet gentle enough to give comfort.

I gave her an inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection that many times comes from her children.

I gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going when everyone else gives up, and take care of her family through sickness and fatigue without complaining.

I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances, even when her child has hurt her very badly.

I gave her strength to carry her husband through his faults and fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart.

I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly.

And finally, I gave her a tear to shed. This is hers exclusively to use whenever it is needed."

"You see my son," said God, "the beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair.

The beauty of a woman must be seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart - the place where love resides."

Please send this to beautiful women you know today. If you do, something good will happen - You will boost another woman's self-esteem!



You can also send this to men who would really like to know the value of a woman and why she is so different from others.

Fwd: 2 way mirror....everyone plz dont miss this

From : kavita
Sent : Sunday, October 23, 2005 7:08 PM
To :
Subject : Fwd: 2 way mirror....everyone plz dont miss this


Subject: 2 way mirror
Sent: Wednesday, September 21, 2005 11:10 AM

This is very good to know and let others know about this 2 way mirror.

Have you seen recent advertisement of SAINT GOBAIN GLASSES shown in TELEVISION'S - Then you must have known about 2 Way mirror)

How to determine if a mirror is 2 way or not (Not a Joke!)?
Not to scare you, but to make sure that you aware. Many of the Hotels and Textile showrooms cheat the customers this way & watch privately.

HOW TO DETECT A 2-WAY MIRROR?
When we visit toilets, bathrooms, hotel rooms, changing rooms, etc., How many of you know for sure that the seemingly ordinary mirror hanging on the wall is a real mirror, or actually a 2-way mirror i.e., they can see you, but you can't see them. There have been many cases of people installing 2-way mirrors in female changing rooms or bathroom or bedrooms.

It is very difficult to positively identify the surface by just looking at it. So, how do we determine with any amount of certainty what type of mirror we are looking at?

CONDUCT THIS SIMPLE TEST:
Place the tip of your fingernail against the reflective surface and if there is a GAP between your fingernail and the image of the nail, then it is a GENUINE mirror.

However, if your fingernail DIRECTLY TOUCHES the image of your nail, then BEWARE, IT IS A 2-WAY MIRROR! (There is someone seeing you from the other side). So remember, every time you see a mirror, do the "fingernail test." It doesn't cost you anything. It is simple to do.

This is a really good thing to do. The reason there is a gap on a real mirror, is because the silver is on the back of the mirror UNDER the glass.

Whereas with a two-way mirror, the silver is on the surface.

Keep it in mind! Make sure and check every time you enter in hotel rooms. May be someone is making a film on you.
Ladies: Share this with your friends.
Men: Share this with your sisters, wives, daughters, friends, colleagues, etc.

Fwd: FW: Peg After Peg.... thoughts gone for a toss !

From : kavita
Sent : Sunday, October 23, 2005 7:11 PM
To :
Subject : Fwd: FW: Peg After Peg.... thoughts gone for a toss !

Here's the narrative of wat happens to the thoughts when u start drinking stealthily at home coming back from work......

I never take risk while drinking

When I come from office in the evening, my wife is cooking
I can hear the noise of utensils in the kitchen
I stealthily enter the house
Take out the bottle from my black cupboard
Shivaji Maharaj is looking at me from the photo frame
But still no one is aware of it
Becoz I never take a risk

I take out the glass from the rack above the old sink
Quickly enjoy one peg
Wash the glass and again keep it on the rack
Of course I also keep the bottle inside my cupboard
Shivaji Maharaj is giving a smile

I peep into the kitchen
Wife is cutting potatoes
No one is aware of what I did
Becoz I never take a risk

I ask 'Any news on Iyer's daughter's marriage'
Wife: Nope, she doesn't seem to be that lucky. Still they are looking for her

I again come out; there is a small noise of the black cupboard
But I don't make any sound while taking out the bottle
I take out the glass from the old rack above sink
Quickly enjoy one peg

Wash the bottle and keep it in the sink
Also keep the Black Glass in the cupboard
But still no one is aware of what I did
Becoz I never take a risk

I: But still I think Iyer's daughter's age is not that much
Wife: What are you saying? She is 28 yrs old... like an aged horse
I: (I forgot her age is 28) Oh Oh...

I again take out potatoes out from my black cupboard
But the cupboard's place has automatically changed
I take out the bottle from the rack and quickly enjoy one peg in the sink

Shivaji Maharaj laughs loudly
I keep the rack in the potatoes & wash Shivaji
Maharaj's photo & keep it in the black cupboard

Wife is keeping the sink on the stove
But still no one is aware of what I did
Becoz I never take a risk

I: (getting angry) you call Mr. Iyer a horse? If you say that again, I will cut your tongue...!
Wife: Don't just blabber something, go out and sit quietly...

I take out the bottle from the potatoes
Go in the black cupboard and enjoy a peg
Wash the sink and keep it over the rack
Wife is giving a smile

Shivaji Maharaj is still cooking
But still no one is aware of what I did
Becoz I never take a risk

I: (laughing) So Iyer is marrying a horse!!
Wife: Hey go and sprinkle some water on your face...

I again go to the kitchen, and quietly sit on the rack
Stove is also on the rack
There is a small noise of bottles from the room outside

I peep and see that wife is enjoying a peg in the sink
But none of the horses are aware of what I did
Becoz Shivaji Maharaj never takes a risk

Iyer is still cooking
And I am looking at my wife from the photo and laughing
Becoz I never take what???

Fwd: [vesit_telecom_2005] GRE ke din...

From : durgesh
Sent : Tuesday, October 25, 2005 7:34 AM
To :
Subject : Fwd: [vesit_telecom_2005] GRE ke din...


Translate the following lines into simple English:


Two individuals proceeded towards the apex of a natural geologic protuberance, the purpose of their expedition being the procurement of a sample of fluid hydride of oxygen in a large vessel, the exact size of which was unspecified.
One member of the team precipitously descended, sustaining severe damage to the upper cranial potion of his anatomical structure;
subsequently the second member of the team performed a self rotational translation oriented in the same direction taken by the first team member.




Scroll down
for answer :......( in simple English what does this translate???)

















Jack and Jill went up the hill
to fetch apail of water
Jack fell down
and broke his crown and
Jill came tumbling after!!!.......................:)

FW: Daily survival kit

From : Pradnya
Sent : Thursday, October 27, 2005 5:52 AM
Subject : FW: Daily survival kit


Attachment : DailySurvivalKit2.pps (0.15 MB)

solution

From : durgesh
Sent : Saturday, October 29, 2005 6:28 AM
To :
Subject : solution

Attachment : SOLUTION.PPS (0.08 MB)

when will we have...............

From : durgesh
Sent : Saturday, October 29, 2005 6:49 AM
To :
Subject : when will we have...............


Attachment : when_will_we_have.pps (0.54 MB)

FW: very good

From : Pradnya
Sent : Friday, November 18, 2005 9:52 AM
Subject : FW: very good



A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer when all of a sudden he said aloud, "Lord grant me one wish". The sky clouded and a booming voice said, "Because you have tried to be faithful I will grant you one wish." The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want to."

The Lord answered, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the logistics of that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time to think of another wish, a wish you think would honor and glorify me".

The man thought for a long time and finally said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know what they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say 'nothing', and how I can make a woman truly happy?"

After a few minutes God said, "YOU WANT TWO LANES OR FOUR ON THAT BRIDGE??"

Fwd: [telecom_2005re-vamped] Puzzle of 4 Criminals !!

From : durgesh
Sent : Monday, November 14, 2005 4:24 AM
To :
Subject : Fwd: [telecom_2005re-vamped] Puzzle of 4 Criminals !!

| | | Inbox

4 criminals are caught and are to be punished.
The Judge allows them to be freed if they can solve a puzzle.
If they do not, they will be hung. They agreed.



The 4 criminals are lined up on some steps (shown in picture).
They are all facing in the same direction.
A wall seperates the fourth man from the other three.

So to summarise :-
Man 1 can see men 2 and 3.
Man 2 can see man 3.
Man 3 can see none of the others.
Man 4 can see none of the others.

The criminals are wearing hats.
They are told that there are two white hats and two black hats.
The men initally don't know what colour hat they are wearing.
They are told to shout out the colour of the hat that
they are wearing as soon as they know for certain what colour it is.

They are not allowed to turn round or move.
They are not allowed to talk to each other.
They are not allowed to take their hats off.

Who is the first person to shout out and why?

PS: There is no trick to the question, just logical deduction.



Ans : Scroll down.







































































The solution to the puzzle

The man who calls out is Number 2.



Why?

After a short time, Number 1 has not shouted out what colour hat he is wearing.
Because of this number 2 knows that he cannot be wearing the same colour hat as the person in front of him.
If he was then number 1 would see two black hats and would therefore know that his hat must be white.

Armed with the knowledge that :-
He isn't wearing the same colour hat as the man in front.
The man in front is wearing a black hat.
number two can confidently shout out that the hat he is wearing is white. Easy wasn't it!

Fwd: [TIL] Newton's Law for S/W Engineers

From : durgesh
Sent : Monday, November 14, 2005 4:34 AM
To :
Subject : Fwd: [TIL] Newton's Law for S/W Engineers


Law 1. Every Software Engineer continues his state of chatting or forwarding mails unless he is assigned work by external unbalanced manager.


Law 2. The rate of change in the software is directly proportional to the payment received from client and takes place at the quick rate as when deadline force is applied.



Law 3. For every Use Case Manifestation there is an equal but opposite Software Implementation.


Bonus :-)


Law 4. Bugs can neither be created nor be removed from software by a developer. It can only be converted from one form to another. The total number of bugs in the software always remains constant.

Fwd: [siescomsmca2007] Fwd: FW: it's not a pj

From : Manoj
Sent : Sunday, October 9, 2005 1:15 PM
To :
Subject : Fwd: [siescomsmca2007] Fwd: FW: it's not a pj

Note: forwarded message attached.

Pls Answer the questions & win prizes of Rs. 1 crores.

A Sardarji is in a QuizContest trying to win prize money of Rs.1 Crore....kaun banega crorepati...

The questions are as follows:

1)How long was the 100 yr war?


A)116
B)99
C)100
D)150

Sardar says "I will skip this"

2)In which country are the Panama hats made?

A)BRASIL
B)CHILE
C)PANAMA
D)EQUADOR

Sardar asks for help from the University students

3) In which month do the Russians celebrate the October Revolution?

A)JANUARY
B)SEPTEMBER
C)OCTOBER
D)NOVEMBER

Sardar asks for help from general public

4)Which of these was King George VI first name?

A)EDER
B)ALBERT
C)GEORGE
D)MANOEL

Sardar asks for lucky cards

5) The Canary Islands, in the Pacific Ocean, has its name based on which animal:

A)CANARYBIRD
B)KANGAROO
C)PUPPY
D)RAT

Sardar gives up.

If u think you are indeed clever and laughed at our Sardar's replies,


Then please check the answers below:


1) The 100 year war lasted 116 years from 1337-1453

2) The Panama hat is made in Equador

3) The October revolution is celebrated in November

4) King George's first name was Albert. In 1936 he changed his name.

5) Puppy. The Latin name is INSULARIA CANARIA which means lands of the puppies.


Now tell me who's the dumb one....Don't ever laugh at a Sardar again

Don't forget that the PrimeMinister of ur country is a sardar..

Fwd: [telecom_2005re-vamped] Fwd: Painted Floor

From : durgesh
Sent : Tuesday, October 11, 2005 4:19 AM
To :
Subject : Fwd: [telecom_2005re-vamped] Fwd: Painted Floor

Attachment : image001.jpg (0.03 MB)

I MAGINE YOU ARE AT A PARTY....YOU'VE BEEN DRINKING.......AND THEN YOU HAVE TO VISIT THIS BATHROOM....????

NOW, REMEMBER, THE FLOOR IS JUST A PAINTED FLOOR!

KINDA TAKES YOUR BREATH AWAY..........DOESN'T IT!

Fwd: [telecom_2005re-vamped] Fwd: mujhse shaadi karogi --- a good one

From : durgesh
Sent : Thursday, October 27, 2005 7:37 AM
To :
Subject : Fwd: [telecom_2005re-vamped] Fwd: mujhse shaadi karogi --- a good one



A Desi chap was deeply in love with a pretty foreign girl, whom he wanted.
But he did not have the courage to talk to her in person. So he decided to
go alone and with the help of a dictionary, he wrote a letter of proposal to
her.


HE WROTE :


Most worthy of your estimation
after a long consideration
and much mediation.
I have a strong indication
to become your relation.
As to my educational qualification,
it is no exaggeration or fabrication
that I have passed my matriculation examination;
no doubt without any hesitation and very little preparation.
What do you say to the solemnization
of our marriage celebration
according to the glorification of modern civilization
and with a view to the expansion of the population of present generation.

On your approbation of the application,
I shall make preparation to improve my situation,
and if such obligation is worthy of consideration
it will be our argumentation of the joy and
exaltation of our joint dissimilation.
Thanking you in anticipation and with devotion,
To remain victim of your fascination.


SHE WROTE :


Dear Mr. Victim of my fascination,

Congratulation for your lengthy narration
of course full of affection aimed at an affiliation
for a combination which on examination
I find is a fine presentation of your ambition.
You have passed your matriculation with little preparation,
what about my graduation after a long botheration,
so improve situation in education
and make an application by acquisition
of post graduation and minimum qualification
for the convocation and before taking your photo for circulation
undergo beautification.
Further strict observation of the following conditions is the
regulation for the determination of our relation.

1. Consultation of my parents before approaching for my connection.

2. Communication of your confirmation that you are not a victim of any
fascination and,

3. Procreation must not be your recreation.

In anticipation of a solid action instead of continuation of paper
conversation.

I Remain,

Unaffected by your affection..

FW: [Bonus Issue] A Bout with Bird Flu

From : Dinesh
Sent : Thursday, October 27, 2005 1:12 PM
To :
Subject : FW: [Bonus Issue] A Bout with Bird Flu




Be afraid. Be very afraid.

On Monday, world health ministers convened in Canada to discuss strategies for fighting the deadly strain of bird flu called "H5N1." The virulent avian virus has spread across Asia and into Europe, necessitating the slaughter of at least 150 million chickens, turkeys, geese, quail, and ducks.

Scarier still, H5N1 has jumped to mammals, including some that used to be considered immune to bird flu. We're not immune, either--though human infections so far have been few. The World Health Organization has counted just 121 laboratory-confirmed human cases since the current outbreak began in 2003.

That's the good news. The bad news is the virus continues to mutate, and many experts now believe it's endemic to parts of Asia. The more it stews, the more chances it has to mutate into a form that's highly contagious to us. And if that happens, the world could face a health crisis the likes of which it hasn't seen in decades. Conservative models say such a flu could kill 2 to 7.4 million people worldwide. Less conservative models say multiply that by ten. So, what is H5N1? And how could it become a global killer?

Today's Knowledge
A Bout with Bird Flu
Scientists recognize three basic types of flu virus--type A, type B, and type C. All three can infect humans, but types B and C don't cause pandemics.

Type A influenza comes in a variety of subtypes that infect birds, pigs, horses, seals, whales, humans, and other animals. Some can cause pandemics, and some are very lethal. Today's killer bird flu, labeled H5N1, is a nasty type A flu.

A Nasty Case of Bird Flu

Scientists classify type A flu viruses according to two proteins that show up on their surfaces: hemagglutinin (the "H" in H5N1) and neuraminidase (the "N"). The "H5" influenzas, including H5N1, come in both "low pathogenic" and "highly pathogenic" varieties. In its low pathogenic form, H5N1 could spread through your henhouse unnoticed, barely ruffling feathers. But in its highly pathogenic form, it would probably kill 90 to 100 percent of the hens it infected.

Unfortunately, the nearly undetectable low pathogenic form of H5N1 can mutate into the highly pathogenic form in a matter of months. So wild birds often carry the low pathogenic form to new places, where it circulates quietly until it mutates into the deadly form.

A Nasty Case of Human Flu

All of this is clearly bad news for birds (and their keepers). But why does it worry world health officials? Because the risk of a human flu pandemic taking off from this virus is high. According to the World Health Organization, "a pandemic can start when three conditions have been met: a new influenza virus subtype emerges; it infects humans, causing serious illness; and it spreads easily and sustainably among humans."

H5N1 already meets the first two conditions. It's basically a brand new bug for humans, so the defenses our bodies have built against other strains of flu won't help. And it's deadly. More than half of the people who've been infected so far have died. The only good news is that it hasn't mutated into a strain that "spreads easily and sustainably among humans."

There are basically two ways that could happen. In one scenario, the virus gradually adapts for human transmission. That would be bad, but maybe not horrible. As the virus adapted, we'd at least get a chance to spot clusters of human cases, treat them, and develop medical defenses. In a second, more frightening scenario, a human infected with H5N1 catches another flu, too. The two flu viruses then mix their genetic materials in what's known as a "reassortment event," producing a new, fully transmissible form of the flu.

Facing little or no resistance from existing human antibodies, that flu could race around the world, spreading itself through the coughs and sneezes of people who don't even know they have it. Once international spread began, experts say, such a pandemic would be virtually impossible to control. Flu moves too fast, and the world doesn't have enough antiviral drugs. Efforts are underway to make more and to develop a vaccine. But until we have those in the medicine chest, we'll have to hope that bird flu continues to be pretty much for the birds.

Steve Sampson
October 26, 2005

Fwd: JRD TATA's image from a picture reflection

From : kavita
Sent : Thursday, October 27, 2005 8:25 PM
To :
Subject : Fwd: JRD TATA's image from a picture reflection


Pick of the Day: An Incredible Piece of Art

Here are two pics of an amazing piece of art.

Location: Tata Museum , Jamshedpur .

In the first pic, you can see a painting. This was a gift to JRD Tata on his Birthday by a street artist. Nobody was able to understand his art. Unfortunately, only the painting was given to JRD and the artist had promised to reveal the secret shortly . However, JRD was no more when the secret was actually revealed.



Here's the secret revealed. When you place a steel rod at the circle in the first pic you saw, you will see the image of the JRD Tata as a reflection on the steel rod as seen in the second pic below. Isn't it incredible!!

Fwd: [telecom_2005re-vamped] Detailed South Mumbai top view

From : durgesh
Sent : Friday, October 28, 2005 4:35 AM
To :
Subject : Fwd: [telecom_2005re-vamped] Detailed South Mumbai top view



Attachment : image001.jpg (0.29 MB)

SIMPLY

MIND BLOWING

AAMACHI MUMBAI......

FW: The Do's And Don'ts For All Zodiac Signs

From : Pradnya
Sent : Friday, October 28, 2005 5:17 AM
Subject : FW: The Do's And Don'ts For All Zodiac Signs


The Do's And Don'ts For All Zodiac Signs


Aries (Mar 21 - Apr 19)

DO'S

Aries are naturally active and vibrant people and they tend to like such people too. You will have to increase your pace to be in step with them. They like and appreciate frank and straightforward persons. With them you can be your true self (but don't try your luck being over frank-they are volatile). If you are in love with an Arien, then you have to show your enthusiasm in all their activities (you can always yawn later!).
DON'TS
Do not tell an Aries that s/he may be wrong. Any such statement may stir a storm in a teacup. Aries are very faithful and passionate lovers. Do not give air to the smouldering fire within them by making them jealous. No flirtation or fooling around with others in their presence unless of course you wish to write your death wish (you will be granted!).



Taurus (Apr 20 - May 20)

DO'S
Stability and dependability characterise Taurus. They like people who can blend and grow with them. If you have a Taurus partner you should appreciate all things bright and beautiful. They have an inherent artistic sense and are fond of colour and music. Judge life with them from a purely materialistic point of view. Enjoy everything luxurious that money can provide. Enjoy good food (better if you can cook to please them) and good drinks with them.
DON'TS
Taurus do not loose their temper easily (in fact you may spend the whole life with them and still no spark) but you should not push your luck too much. Being unreasonable or aggressive with them may get you into trouble. Do not press him/her into a corner, and if you do, be prepared for a violent rage. Taurus is capable of violent outbursts though such an event is very rare occasions. They can be suffocating when they are possessive about you.



Gemini (May 21 - June 21)

DO'S
Gemini is a highly intellectual and versatile person. If you have a Gemini partner you have to match your wits with his/her wits to keep the zing in the relationship. They want to be mentally stimulated so you have to be good at conversing. Your sense of humour will get you a permanent residence in the heart of a Gemini. Be more communicative with them, and if you are good at this, you will never know how hours pass by holding each other's hand.
DON'TS
Gemini's like to do many things at the same time, so if unfortunately you are the type who is looking for stability you may get disappointed. Do not hold back a Gemini or you may lose him/her, as they are restless and need change in life constantly. You should try to adopt yourself with the ever-changing Gemini. Orthodox or conservative old fashion ideas are no-no in their dictionary. Change with the ever-changing Gemini and do not flow against the current.



Cancer (Jun22 - July 22)

DO'S
Try to adapt yourself with the changing moods of the Cancer. At one moment they may be laughing and enjoying and in another they may sulk. You may have to adjust with the moody and sensitive Cancer. They are like the tides in the ocean, always fluctuating. Cancerians love food, so if you know how to cook and can be poetic and romantic (added Bonus) then you know the way to their heart.
DON'TS
Cancerians are very sensitive people and can get easily hurt. So do not play with their emotions and sentiments. They are like tides that can sweep you along. They form emotional bonds with even inanimate things, so do not ask them to discard old caps or souvenirs. Such things hold special meaning to them. You have to realise that the crabs have a soft heart and are vulnerable. Do not contradict their tested line of thought and action, it would only lead to confusion.



Leo (Sep 22 - Oct23)

DO'S
If you have Leo partner respect him and his majestic manners. Accept the advice of Leo, the lion, as he is the king of the jungle. It is the sign of a showman, so if your partner does everything in grand style enjoy it. They fall easily for flattery and want to be centre of attraction of all eyes (sometimes they can be quiet theatrical too).
DON'TS
Never ever hurt the ego of a Leo. Pride, ego and vanity are some of the bags Leo's always carry with them. Do not touch these bags. An authoritative Leo is even more difficult to handle in such circumstances. Leo is a sunny sign so they do not like people who are gloomy or depressed. Even if you are crying at heart keep a sunny smile on your lips and then let the lion take charge and remove all worries from your life.



Virgo (Aug 23 - Sept22)

DO'S
Virgo's are very methodical and have a great sense of duty. However, they are blind to their own faults. So, if you have a Virgo partner emphasise more on their qualities. Take keen interest in what they are doing and you will realise that they will go out of their way to help you. Do rely and appreciate their mental powers rather than their physical powers. They can turn even an unsuccessful venture into a success.
DON'TS
Do not push a Virgo into limelight or on the centre stage unless of course they do so on their own. They are shy and reserved by nature and do not like to be the cynosure of all eyes. Virgo's have secrets that they would not like to bring out in the open. So, even if you have the key to their secret skeleton-closet, hide it; do not even admit that you know anything about it. Virgo, the virgins, do not want to tarnish their public image.



Libra (Sep 22 - Oct 23)

DO'S
Librans need peace and harmony in all their relationships, so help them maintain that. Venus, the ruling planet, gives them beauty and they have weakness for people who can compliment them about their beauty (you will not have to make an effort to do that anyway). You can help Libra seek union and partnership in life. If you have a Libra partner you can be sure to share beautiful and pleasurable moments together.
DON'TS
Libra is kind and gentle soul but very argumentative. Hence, do not start an argument or discussion unless, of course, you are free and do not know how to pass your time. They hate to lose and most probably during an argument may change sides too (remember scales can tilt) and still continue arguing from the other side. Do not push your Libra partner into making decisions. They will keep weighing pros and cons and may still not be able to come to any decision. Have patience !



Scorpio (Oct 23 - Novr 21)

DO'S
Scorpio's are full of passion and zest for life. They have tremendous drive that can involve you too. Tune in to their wavelength and you can enjoy the harmony and music of life with them. Scorpio's are loyal and never forget a kind deed done by you. If you want to enjoy life with your Scorpio lover, share their passion and intensity and you will be fascinated by how beautiful life can be with them.
DON'TS
Scorpio's are very passionate and intense but they are also fiercely possessive and would like to possess your mind, body and soul. Do not let seeds of jealousy grow in them because then you may have to suffer agonies of jealousy and discontentment in life. Scorpio's have explosive tempers be careful how you handle them. They never let anyone know what is going on in their mind till they strike and you may be caught unawares. Do not flirt around in the presence of your Scorpio lover.



Sagittarius (Nov 22 - Dec 21)

DO'S
Sagittarius is basically a happy go lucky kind. You can enjoy with them their zest and enthusiasm for life. They bubble with excitement. And if you share the same interests and hobbies, life can be great fun together. They are frank and straightforward so if you want some truthful opinion about anything or anyone go to them. Be optimistic as they are and view life as glass half full.
DON'TS
Sagittarius is fiercely independent and cannot tolerate restriction. Hence, do not try to hold them back in life. Let them enjoy their freedom because if you hold any special place in their heart they will always come back for you. Do not feel irritated by the exaggeration in their speech. They may go on and on, talking about certain things that may not even interest you, but its their way of trying to communicate with you. They are basically frank and outspoken (to the point of being rude), so do not feel offended by their talks.



Capricorn (Dec 22 - Jan 20)

DO'S
Capricornians are strong and dependable. Hence, if you want to put your money on anyone it is of course this zodiac sign. They are practical and conservative in their outlook and they expect you to blend in their colour. They set certain standards for themselves in their life and they will always try to maintain those standards. For them social status and image is very important in life.
DON'TS
Do not expect a Capricorn mate to open his/her heart and pour everything to you. They are very secretive and reserved people. They are very thorough in all their affairs and hate any kind of sloppiness. People born under this zodiac are very tight-fisted and economical. Do not expect lavish gifts from them and if they do give you any gift (that is very rare) it will have some practical use (no romance please) but that does not mean you will be deprived of anything; on the contrary you will be well provided.



Aquarius (Jan 21 - Feb 21)

DO'S
Aquarius are friendly and fascinating people. They have in-depth knowledge about various subjects and you can converse with them for hours without getting bored. They are capable of giving a lot of love that can be amazing. They have a very broad outlook of life and you can relax in their presence. They will always welcome your ideas and actions about humanitarian causes. To keep an Aquarius lover interested you must possess that mysterious and intriguing quality. Once hooked they will always be very faithful to you.
DON'TS
Do not expect or plan a normal, simple and predictable life with an Aquarius partner. Aquarians are totally unpredictable. They can go to any direction without giving any advance notice. They are basically very restless and get bored easily. Though they are very friendly, do not expect them to reveal their inner most feelings to you (they never will). They can be detached and impersonal, which may seem strange to others.



Pisces (Feb 22 - Mar 21)

DO'S
Pisceans are sensitive and charming. If you are looking for someone who is understanding and can understand your feelings then you have met the right person. You should appreciate their feelings too, as in your time of need they are sure to help you. Pisces have a keenly developed sixth sense and have great intuitive powers. Their hunches may usually be right on mark. But they can exhaust their physical and mental energies. They are born dreamers and you can build palaces with your dream lover (only in real life it may become a little difficult preposition).
DON'TS
Pisces are dreamers and you should not expect them to have worldly ambitions. They are not materialistic in nature. It is not that they like living below the poverty line but they have no earnest desire to accumulate wealth. They are very sensitive and you have to be always careful about their feelings. The fishes are capable of drowning you in their tears (even men born under this sign).

Fwd: [telecom_2005re-vamped] Parking Lot....

From : durgesh
Sent : Saturday, October 29, 2005 6:07 AM
To :
Subject : Fwd: [telecom_2005re-vamped] Parking Lot....


Go to previous message | Go to next message | Delete | Inbox
Attachment : pic04966.jpg (0.16 MB)

Our india AMAZING...............!

From : Pradnya
Sent : Monday, October 31, 2005 7:12 AM
Subject : Our india AMAZING...............!


Go to previous message | Go to next message | Delete | Inbox
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India Is Cradle Of The Human Race, The Birthplace Of Human Speech, The Mother Of History, The Grand Mother Of Legends And Great Grand Mother Of Tradition.

Mark Twain….



India Map

Indian Flag





The Statue of Love (Taj Mahal)


Central Railway Head Office (Mumbai, India)


Crossroads Ground Flr. Shopping Mal Mumbai (India)


Cuff Parade In Night Mumbai (India)


Indian Navy In Mumbai


Marine Drive Stones Mumbai (India)


Mumbai Cricket Fans (India)


Mumbai Ground


Mumbai University


Mumbai Victoria Terminus


Mumbai Victoria Terminus


Gateway Of India Mumbai


Nehru Center Mumbai (India)


Renaissance Hotel Mumbai


Taj Mahal Hotel Mumbai


Wankhede Stadium Mumbai


Matheran (India)


Kufri (India)


Kufri (India)


Jaisalmer Fort (India)


Aishwarya Rai Miss World 1994


Maharashtra (India)


Ajanta Caves (India)


Janzira Murud (India)


Sushmita Sen Miss Universe 1994


Victoria Memorial, Calcutta (India)


Beautiful Kashmir (India)


Rajhastan Desert (India)


Rajhastan Desert (India)


Rajhastan Tradditional


Hawa Mahel (India)


Blue City In Jodhpur (India)


Maldives (India)


Green Assam (India)


Dal Lake (India)


Yukta Mukhi Miss World 1999


Kerla (India)


Maldives (India)


Master Blaster In Cricket World S. R. Tendulkar


Hanle Palace Kerla (India)


Kashmir (India)


Dal Lake Kashmir (India)


Maldives (India)


Sensational Tennis Star Sania Mirza


Yedakumeri Kartnataka (India)


House Boat Dal Lake


Rainy Khandala (India)


Maldives (India)


King Of The Bollywood Sahrukh Khan


Kerala (India)


Chattisgadh (India)


Shirodara (India)


Pangong Kerala (India)


Maldives (India)


Priyanka Chopra Miss World 2000


Bispa Valley (India)


Munnar (India)


Maldives (India)


Monolith (India)


Green Assam (India)


Kashmir (India)


Lara Dutta Miss Universe 2000


Madives (India)


Bhankra Dam (India)


Madives (India)

" Dharti Sunheri Amber Neela Har Mausam Rangeela Aisa Des Hai Mera "



Yellowish or Golden Earth, blue skies… each season is (so) colorful, this is how my country is….