My Emails

Taking the email fwding to a different level...Fwded emails (from humor to tips to speeches to pictures ...) I thought to be worth sharing. NOTHING is my original work. If you've the copyrights of the content, let me know and I'd specify so in the post. AND if you do not want your content blogged, just comment so.
"fwd this to every alive and dead else": I've received so many chain emails that they're no longer frustrating. Now they amuse me. By posting them here, I don't encourage them!

FW: Men and Women...

from	Vikas
to
date		Fri, Sep 19, 2008 at 7:00 AM
subject		FW: Men and Women...

NICKNAMES
If Priya, Shilpa and Swati go out for lunch, they will call each other Priya, Shilpa and Swati.
If Amit, John and Rahul go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.

EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Amit, John and Rahul will each throw in Rs. 100, even though it's only for Rs. 232.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will want the change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY
A man will pay Rs. 200 for a Rs. 100 item he needs.
A woman will pay Rs. 100 for a Rs. 200 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments, their best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!

Now, send this to the women who have a sense of humor and who can handle it ... and to the men who will enjoy reading it.

[telecom_2005re-vamped] Horoscope Quiz

From: Durgesh

To:

Date: 8/16/2005 2:20 AM

HOROSCOPE QUIZ:
Okay, first get a piece of paper and label it from 1-10. Now
remember, you need to take serious thought into these questions! No
cheating-don't scroll down until you have answered all the
questions!!
1. What is your favorite out of these three?
a. cat b. bird c. dog
2. What is your favorite color?
a. pink b. white c. black
3. Name a friend of the same sex.
4. Name a friend of the opposite sex.
5. Do you like the mountains, or beach better?
6. Do you like to watch the sun rise or the sunset?
7. What's your favorite number from 1-10?
8. What is your favorite plant?
a. red rose b. fern c. a dead one
9. What is your favorite season?
a. Spring b. Winter c. Summer
10. Make two wishes.
Wish #1_____________
Wish #2_____________
**********************************************************************
Okay, now for the results:
1. a.) cat: you love yourself the most.
b.) bird: you like hearing yourself talk.
c.) dog: you put others before yourself.
2. a.) pink: you're outgoing.
b.) white: you're classical.
c.) black: you're living on the edge.
3. This person is your lucky star.
4. You'll become very, very close friends with this person.
5. a.) mountains: fast paced lifestyle.
b.) beach: slow paced lifestyle.
6. a.) sunrise: you're a morning person and you get more done.
b.) sun set: you're a romantic and you fall in and out of
crushes
slowly.
7. The number you picked is how many people it will take before you
find
your true love.
8. a.) red rose : your life will be beautiful but sometimes thorny.
b.) fern: your life will be predictable and safe.
c.) a dead one: your one sick person!
9. a.) spring: you're hopelessly romantic. >
b.) winter: you're a hugging kind of person.
c.) summer: you're a bare-all kind of person!
10. If you send this to:
a.) 1 person, your 1st wish will come true.
b.) 5 people, both of your wishes will come true.
c.) 10 or more people, both wishes will come true in two
days.
YOU HAVE 45 MINUTES!

[TIL] Mistresses

From: Durgesh

To:

Date: 8/11/2005 12:21 AM

Mistresses
A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine
restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman
comes over to their table, gives the husband a big
kiss, tells him she'll see him later, and walks away.

His wife glares at him and says, "Who was that??!!"

"Oh," replies the husband, "that was my mistress."

The wife says, "That's it; I want a divorce."

"I understand," replies her husband, "but, remember,
if you get a divorce, there will be no more shopping
trips to Paris, no wintering in the Caribbean, no
Lexus in the garage, and no more country club. But the
decision is yours."

Just then the wife notices a mutual friend entering the
restaurant with a gorgeous woman. "Who's that woman with
Jim?" she asks.

"That's his mistress," replies her husband.

"Ours is prettier," says the wife.

Girls will always be girls...

Life Explained

From: Smita

To:

Date: 9/27/2005 9:19 PM

On the first day God created the dog. God said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. I will give you a life span of twenty years."
The dog said, "That's too long to be barking. Give me ten years and I'll give you back the other ten." So God agreed.
On the second day God created the monkey. God said, "Entertain people, do monkey tricks, make them laugh. I'll give you a twenty-year life span."
The monkey said, "How boring, monkey tricks for twenty years? I don't think so. Dog gave you back ten, so that's what I'll do too, okay?" And God agreed.
On the third day God created the cow. God said, "You must go to the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer. I will give you a life span of sixty years."

The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. Let me have twenty and I'll give back the other forty." And God agreed again.
On the forth day God created man. God said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. I'll give you twenty years."
Man said, "What? Only twenty years! Tell you what, I'll take my twenty, and the forty the cow gave back and the ten the monkey gave back and the ten the dog gave back, that makes eighty, okay?"
"Okay," said God, "You've got a deal."
So that is why the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play, and enjoy ourselves; for the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family; for the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren; and for next ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.

Regards..

Strange Sound

From: Smits

To:

Date: 2/16/2006 2:54 AM

go through this email. at the end at least you will laugh a little bit ( of couse sarcastically)

A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?
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>The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, and even fix his car. As the man tries to fall > > asleep, he hears a strange sound. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, We can't tell you. You're not a monk.
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>The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way. Some yea! rs later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery.
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>The monks gain accept him, feed him, and even fix his car.
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>That night, he hears the same strange noise that he had heard years earlier.
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>The next morning, he asks what it is, but the monks reply, We can't tell you. You're not a monk.
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>The man says, All right, all right. I'm dying to know. If the only way I can find out what that sound was, is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?
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>The monks reply, You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk.
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>The man sets about his task. Some forty-five years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. He says, I have traveled the earth and have found what you have asked for. There are 145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth.
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> The monks reply, Congratulations. You are now a monk. We shall now show you the way to the sound.
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> The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, The sound is right behind that door.
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>Th! e man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked. He says, Real funny. May I have the key?
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>The monks give him the key, and he opens the door.
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>Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man demands the key to the stone door.
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>The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. He demands another key from the monks, who provide it. Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire. So it went until the man had gone through doors of emerald,....
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>.......silver, topaz, and amethyst.
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>Finally, the monks say, This is the last key to the last door.
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>The man is relieved to no end. He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is amazed to find the source of that strange sound.
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>. . . . But I can't tell you what it is because you're not a monk.
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>DONT HUNT ME DOWN COS I'M STILL HUNTING THE PERSON WHO SENT ME THIS !! ;-)

250cc bikes in India - coming up Pulsar and Fazer - part 4

From: Manoj

To:

4/28/2006 5:53 AM

part 4 - Pulsar 2

thats all folks
hope u liked it
bye and cheers

--
A day without sunshine is like, well, night. :P

Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

bye.

GOOD MORNING...

from
Vikas

date
Tue, Jul 1, 2008 at 12:40 AM

subject
GOOD MORNING...

Hi…..

41 Secrets Your Doctor Would Never Share

from hemang
reply-to
to

date Sat, Jun 14, 2008 at 3:56 PM
subject 41 Secrets Your Doctor Would Never Share

http://www.rd.com/living-healthy/41-medical-secrets/article75920.html
'H'EMANG

Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.
Theodore Roosevelt (1858-1919)
26th U.S. President

FW: Gd Mrng NEWS in 2025

Amit

4:58 AM (16 hours ago)

Thanks & Regards,

Amit

HEADLINES DATED 1ST JAN 2025

· President Sonia Gandhi and Prime Minister Priyanka Gandhi receive Italian Prime Minister Rahul Gandhi.

· Dhoom 17 ready for release.

I will play next world cup - Sachin Tendulkar

· Salman, Vivek and Abhishek attend Aishwarya's 3rd marriage.

· Mein To Ab Bhi Jawan Hoon - Dev Anand's new movie set for release where he plays son of Aamir Khan & Madhuri Dixit.

· After remakes of 45 films of Amitabh, Shahrukh now to play Amitabh's role in remake of "Jhoom Barabar Jhoom" .

· Petrol Rs. 999/= per ltr.

· Kyunki saas bhi kabhi bahu thi completed 2,50,000 episodes & Baa has completed 400yrs.

· Coach Ganguly resigns, as India went out of The World Cup in 1st round after losing to Korea.

· Navjot Siddhu will launch his own TV channel where he is the Host & the Guest too.

· Riots in the Parliament as the newly elected MPs Mallika Sheravat & Rakhi Sawant enter the assembly.

· Maruti launches its new Hovercraft "SX-25". Honda, Toyota & Tata to follow.

· A cap found in Mithi river - Sources say it belonged to a species called Himesh Reshammiya...

HUSBAND WRITES FOR WIFE.......

Amit

1/24/2008 8:41 AM

HUSBAND WRITES FOR WIFE.......

Thanks & Regards,

Amit

Poems written by husband to wife

I wrote your name on sand it got washed.
I wrote your name in air, it was blown away. Then
I wrote your name on my heart & I got Heart Attack.
******
God saw me hungry, he created pizza.
He saw me thirsty, he created Pepsi.
He saw me in dark, he created light.
He saw me without problems, he created YOU.
******
Twinkle Twinkle little star
You should know what you are
And once you know what you are
Mental hospital is not so far.
******
The rain makes all things beautiful.
The grass and flowers too.
If rain makes all things beautiful
Why doesn't it rain on you?
******
Roses are red, Violets are blue
Monkeys like u should be kept in zoo.
Don't feel so angry you will find me there too
Not in cage but laughing at you.

When software engineering hits the ZOO

Amit

To:

1/24/2008 8:38 AM

When software engineering hits the ZOO

The CUSTOMER...
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The Quality Analyst...

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The Software Analyst...

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The Developers...

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The Technical lead...

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And
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The PROJECT MANAGER!!!!!!

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!cid_6_2806437770@web52609_mail_re2_yahoo

FW: One liners

Amit

show details Apr 24

Awesome One liners

2.. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

3.. My wife is a s*x object. Every time I ask for s*x, she objects.

4.. Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings".

5.. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men
-'don't' and 'stop', unless they are used together == 'don't stop'!

8.. Having s*x is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

9.. Q : What's an Australian kiss?
A : The same thing as a French kiss, only down under

10.. A couple just married were happy with the whole thing.
He was happy with the Hole and She was happy with the Thing.

11.. Q : What are the three biggest tragedies in a man's life? (The best one)
A : Life sucks, job sucks and the wife doesn't!

14.. Q : Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A : Br*asts don't have eyes.......

15.. Despite the old saying, "Don't take your troubles to bed",

many men still sleep with their wives!

Mathamagician

anju to

show details Apr 24

Well worth watching!!!

This guy is unbelievable.

http://static.videoegg.com/ted/flash/fullscreen.html?v=/ted/movies/ARTHURBENJAMIN-2005&cid=/ted/movies

Joke

from Hemang

date Sun, Apr 27, 2008 at 3:16 PM

subject joke

hide details Apr 27

Found on internet:

Q: How many Bush Administration officials does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. There is nothing wrong with the light bulb; its conditions are improving every day. Any reports of its lack of incandescence are a delusional spin from the liberal media. That light bulb has served honorably, and anything you say undermines the lighting effect. Why do you hate freedom?
--
HEMANG