My Emails

Taking the email fwding to a different level...Fwded emails (from humor to tips to speeches to pictures ...) I thought to be worth sharing. NOTHING is my original work. If you've the copyrights of the content, let me know and I'd specify so in the post. AND if you do not want your content blogged, just comment so.
"fwd this to every alive and dead else": I've received so many chain emails that they're no longer frustrating. Now they amuse me. By posting them here, I don't encourage them!

Showing posts with label Relationships. Show all posts

FW: Innovative Ideas!!!

From: Amit
Date: Mon, May 17, 2010 at 5:26 AM
Subject: FW: Innovative Ideas!!!
To:

Innovative Ideas for Suicides !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If still you can not get success then

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Get Married …L

laughter challenge

From: Amit
Date: Mon, May 24, 2010 at 7:00 AM
Subject: laughter challenge
To:

An evergreen ol' one.... :)

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.

She asked, 'What's on TV?'

I said, 'Dust.'

And then the fight started...

*************************************************************************************

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'

I bought her a weighing scale.

And then the fight started....

*************************************************************************************
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive...

So, I took her to a gas station..

And then the fight started...

*************************************************************************************

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and my wife kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.

I asked my wife, 'Do you know him?'

'Yes,' She sighed, 'He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' I said to my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started...
*************************************************************************************

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"

"Naaah, she can order for herself."

And then the fight started...

*************************************************************************************
A woman is standing & looking in the bedroom mirror.She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

And then the fight started..... .

*************************************************************************************

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.

Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.

I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.

And then the fight started....
*************************************************************************************

I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"

It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.

"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.

So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"

And that's when the fight started....

*************************************************************************************
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first: the truck, the car, e-mail, fishing, always something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.

When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a few minutes. When I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. 'When you finish cutting the grass,' I said, 'you might as well sweep the driveway.'

And then the fight started...

Hunting

From: Mark
Sent: Wednesday, December 10, 2008 4:51 PM
To: Jignesh
Subject:

My considerate, loving husband invited me to go hunting with him,
and being the generous, thoughtful man that he is,
he even gave me an 'opening day' present.

I'm so lucky to be married to him---
I never thought I'd find a husband so unselfish
and wil ling to share his 'guy time.'

Mark

FW: Men and Women...

from	Vikas
to
date		Fri, Sep 19, 2008 at 7:00 AM
subject		FW: Men and Women...

NICKNAMES
If Priya, Shilpa and Swati go out for lunch, they will call each other Priya, Shilpa and Swati.
If Amit, John and Rahul go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.

EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Amit, John and Rahul will each throw in Rs. 100, even though it's only for Rs. 232.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will want the change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY
A man will pay Rs. 200 for a Rs. 100 item he needs.
A woman will pay Rs. 100 for a Rs. 200 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments, their best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!

Now, send this to the women who have a sense of humor and who can handle it ... and to the men who will enjoy reading it.

GOOD MORNING...

from
Vikas

date
Tue, Jul 1, 2008 at 12:40 AM

subject
GOOD MORNING...

Hi…..

HUSBAND WRITES FOR WIFE.......

Amit

1/24/2008 8:41 AM

HUSBAND WRITES FOR WIFE.......

Thanks & Regards,

Amit

Poems written by husband to wife

I wrote your name on sand it got washed.
I wrote your name in air, it was blown away. Then
I wrote your name on my heart & I got Heart Attack.
******
God saw me hungry, he created pizza.
He saw me thirsty, he created Pepsi.
He saw me in dark, he created light.
He saw me without problems, he created YOU.
******
Twinkle Twinkle little star
You should know what you are
And once you know what you are
Mental hospital is not so far.
******
The rain makes all things beautiful.
The grass and flowers too.
If rain makes all things beautiful
Why doesn't it rain on you?
******
Roses are red, Violets are blue
Monkeys like u should be kept in zoo.
Don't feel so angry you will find me there too
Not in cage but laughing at you.

Fwd: [telecom_2005re-vamped] Letter to Father - Too Smart (Do read the PS)

Fwd: [telecom_2005re-vamped] Letter to Father - Too Smart (Do read the PS)‎

From: durgesh

Sent: Wed 11/29/06 7:15 PM

To:

A father passing by his teenage daughter's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was neat and tidy. Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the centre of the pillow. It was addressed "Dad". With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:-

Dear Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you, but I'm leaving home. I had to elope with my new boyfriend Randy because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you. I've been finding real passion with Randy and he is so nice to me. I know when you meet him you'll like him too - even with all his piercing, tattoos, and motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion Dad, I'm pregnant and Randy said that he wants me to have the kid and that we can be very happy together.

Even though Randy is much older than me (anyway, 42 isn't so old these days is it?), and has no money, really these things shouldn't stand in the way of our relationship, don't you agree?

Randy has a great CD collection; he already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. It's true he has other girlfriends as well but I know he'll be faithful to me in his own way. He wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too.

Randy taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and he'll be growing it for us and we'll trade it with our friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Randy can get better; he sure deserves it!! Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.

Your loving daughter,

Rosie.

At the bottom of the page were the letters "PTO". Hands still trembling, her father turned the sheet, and read:

PS: Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbour's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in my desk centre drawer. Please sign it and call when it is safe for me to come home. I love you!

Relationship between two eyes..

Relationship between two eyes..‎

From: Amit

Sent: Fri 1/19/07 7:03 PM

To:

Do you know the relationship between two eyes..?

they blink together,
they move together,
they cry together,
they see things together
and
they sleep together
BUT
THEY NEVER SEE EACH OTHER.. that's what's friendship
But
when a beautiful girl comes in front, one eye blink and the other
remains
open........ ......... ......... ......... .....

Moral of the story : Girls can break even the best of friendships.

Thanks & Regards,

Amit

good jokes

From:

Amit

To:

Subject:

good jokes

Date:

Tue, 22 May 2007 13:18:34 IST

1. A FOOLish man tells a woman to STOP talking, but a WISE man tells

>>> her that she looks extremely BEAUTIFUL when her LIPS are CLOSED.

>>>

>>> 2. One GOOD way to REDUCE Alcohol consumption :

>>> Before Marriage - Drink whenever you are SAD After Marriage - Drink

>>> whenever you are HAPPY

>>>

>>> 3. Three FASTEST means of Communication :

>>> 1. Tele-Phone

>>> 2. Tele-Vision

>>> 3. Tell to Woman

>>> Tell her NOT to tell ANY ONE.

>>>

>>> 4. Love your friends not their sisters. Love your sisters not their

>>> friends.

>>>

>>> 5. A man got 2 wishes from GOD. He asked for the Best wine and Best

>>> Woman.

>>> Next moment, he had the Best Wine and Mother Teresa next to him.

>>> Moral : BE SPECIFIC

>>>

>>> 6. What is a BEST and WORST news you can hear at the SAME time ?

>>> It is when your Girl Friend says YOU are the BEST KISSER among all

>>> your Friends.

>>>

>>> 7. Let us be generous like this : Four Ants are moving through a

>>> forest.

>>> They see an ELEPHANT coming towards them. Ant 1 says : we should

>>> KILL him.

>>> Ant 2 says : No, Let us break his Leg alone. Ant 3 says : No, we

>>> will just throw him away from our path. Ant 4 says : No, we will

>>> LEAVE him because he is ALONE and we are FOUR.

>>>

>>> 8. If you do NOT have a Girl Friend - You are missing SOME thing in

>>> your life. If you HAVE a Girl Friend - You are missing EVERY thing

>>> in your life.

>>>

>>> 9. Question : When do you CONGRATULATE someone for their MISTAKE.

>>> Answer : On their MARRIAGE.

>>>

>>> 10. When your LIFE is in DARKNESS, PRAY GOD and ask him to free you

>>> from Darkness. Even after you pray, if U R still in Darkness -

>>> Please PAY the ELECTRICITY BILL.

>>>

>>> 11. Why Government do NOT allow a Man to MARRY 2 Women. Because per

>>> Constitution, you can NOT PUNISH TWICE for the same Mistake.

Thanks & Regards,

Amit